110 : Premature April Prankulation
110/365
Characters:
Person
Friend
Setting:
Apartment Living Room; Morning
Person sits on the couch tying their shoes, about to leave for work. As they finish the knot, their phone rings. They get up and go answer it.
Person: Hello?
Waits.
Person: I am, why do you ask? (Waits.) Yes, they are both my parents. Why? (Waits.) What? Just this morning? You’re kidding; no way.
Person starts to break down crying, putting the phone down by their side.
Person: (to self) I can’t believe it. What the- Why? Oh, God.
Friend runs in with a phone at their side.
Friend: April Fools!
Person: What?
Friend: Hahahaha! I got you soooo good! (mimicking) ‘Mommy? Daddy?’
Person: Are you fucking kidding? April Fools? It’s not even April 1st!
Friend: Yeah it is.
Person: No… it’s not.
Friend: No? Prove it.
Person grabs friends ear and pulls them to the wall and puts their face in front of the calendar.
Friend: Huh. What do you know… March has 31 days.
Person: Yeah.
Friend: I’m really sorry about that.
Person: Me too.
Friend: Why’re you sorry?
Person: Oh, you’ll find out. Tomorrow.
Person walks out of room, exits.
Friend: Why? What are you going to do tomorrow? Hey! What are you going to do!?
Friend runs out of room after Person, exits.
105 : Sign Spinner & Clown
105/365
Characters:
Sign Spinner
Clown
Passers-by (multiple)
Setting:
Intersection Corner; Day
Passers-by walk along the sidewalk as a Sign-Spinner walks onto the corner. The Spinner sets the sign against a nearby wall and looks up and down the street sidewalk. The Spinner begins to stretch their shoulders (swinging their arms around in large circles), hip (putting hands on hip, feet together, swinging their hip around in a large circle), hamstrings (grabbing their calf behind them and pulling ankle to butt on each leg), neck (rolling the head around in a large circle), face (tensing and relaxing their face back and forth), and finishes by shaking it all out in one last gigantic explosion of movement. Stillness. Deep exhale. Passers-by continue passing by.
The Spinner grabs their sign and does some pre-movement stuff, nothing too difficult, then grabs their water bottle, drinks some water down, swishes a little around in their mouth, and spits it out. The Spinner hops in place three times to get the blood flowing when a Clown holding a stack of flyers walks around the opposite corner and the two see each other.
Spinner: This just got interesting.
Clown: You’re telling me, asshole.
100 : Grandma’s 100th
100/365
Characters:
Grandma
Joey – Grandson
Victor – Joey’s Friend
Vanessa – Joey’s Mom/Grandma’s Daughter
Uncle Bert – Vanessa’s Brother/ Grandma’s Son
Guests (multiple)
Setting:
Grandma’s House
- – - – -
Family and friends fill Grandma’s living room. Grandma sits on a love seat as the younger people stand and mosey about. Joey, Grandma’s Grandson, enters holding a wrapped present with his friend, Victor. Upon walking in, Joey’s mother, Vanessa, spots him.
Vanessa: Joey! You made it!
Joey: Hey mom!
Vanessa walks over to Joey and gives him a kiss on the cheek.
Vanessa: I’m glad you made it. And Victor! Good to see you, too.
Victor: Hi there Ms. Jones. It’s been too long. You’re looking great.
Vanessa: Thank you. And my, have you grown up.
Joey: Alright you two.
Vanessa: I’m glad you made it. Just so you two know, there’s a ton of food; eat up.
Victor: Now that you mention it -
Vanessa points.
Victor: Thank you.
Victor makes his way to the food.
Vanessa: So where’s Rebecca? I thought she’d make it too.
Joey: She’s out celebrating her 21st with her girlfriends.
Vanessa: That’s right. She has the same birthday.
Joey: Yeah, I’ll be seeing her in a little bit.
Vanessa: Well, let her know she is missed and happy birthday. Hey, now that you’re here, go say hello to the birthday girl.
Joey: Oh yeah. Where is the little lady?
Vanessa: Right over there and dying to see you.
Joey makes his way over to Grandma in the loveseat as mother returns to the flow of the room.
Joey: Hi Grandma! Happy Birthday!
Grandma nods and smiles and blows a kiss.
Joey: Oh c’mon; none of that. Get over here: we’re family.
Joey goes in and gives her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
Joey: Man, I remember as if it were yesterday when you were only… 80 years young. Feels like yesterday.
Grandma waves him off.
Joey: No, I’m serious. You could be posing for Playboy with a figure like that. I’m just saying. Alright, I’m going to grab something to eat. You want anything; food; drink?
Grandma nods and slightly shakes no.
Joey: Alright. Don’t get too crazy over here. Still a lot of party left.
Joey walks over to the food table and grabs a plate. Victor comes over and joins him holding a plate full of food.
Joey: Eatten in days?
Victor: Not this well. How’s grandma-ma?
Joey: Still kicking.
Victor: Good. How about your other lady?
Joey: I’m assuming she’s good. Haven’t heard anything yet (checks phone).
Victor: So what do you get a woman who’s been around since the turn of the last century, by the way?
Joey: What did I get her? A kaleidoscope.
Victor: Nice!
Joey: Right?!
Victor: What about Rebecca? What did you get her?
Joey: I got her something a little more naughty.
Victor: Nice again!
Vanessa: (to room) Time for cake, everyone!
Victor: Super nice!!!
Everyone makes their way to the table. Joey puts the gift he’s been holding down on the table near the cake alongside other gifts. Grandma slowly makes her way to the table and sits in the center. Once everyone is ready and quiet around the table, Uncle Bert walks in carrying a cake with one candle.
Uncle Bert: On three everyone! One, two, three!
Everyone sings “Happy Birthday.” Grandma remains frozen, sitting in her chair, after the song finishes. Joey pulls out his cell phone which is vibrating in his pocket. Pause.
Vanessa: Alright Mom, blow out your candle.
Nothing; Grandma remains frozen. Joey quietly reads aloud the text to himself.
Joey: (to self) Why’d you get me a kaleidoscope? Oh no.
Victor: Uh oh.
Vanessa: Mom?
Grandma collapses and falls onto the table. Everyone’s shocked.
Vanessa: Mom!
The impact of the fall causes Joey’s package to start vibrating amongst all the other gifts on the table. People begin tending to Grandma; some noticing the moving gift.
Uncle Bert: What’s going on there?
Bert goes to grab the package but Joey reaches and grabs it before him.
Joey: It’s nothing! Not important!
Vanessa: Someone! Can someone help me?
Joey throws the package out of scene.
Joey: What about Grandma!?
Uncle Bert: But-
Joey: Call an ambulance, Bert!
Uncle Bert: Alright!
Vanessa: No, no, no; it’s just her narcolepsy. She’ll come back.
Victor: But what about her head. She hit it pretty bad.
Vanessa: I know. Let’s see where she’s at when she comes to. Can you grab an ice pack Bert?
Uncle Bert: On it.
Bert leaves the room.
Joey: Wow, that was close.
Victor: I know!
Vanessa: I know.
Victor: So lucky, dude.
Vanessa: So, so lucky. She could have fallen into the cake? Then what?
Victor: We could only have been so lucky.
Joey: (to Grandma) Hey there birthday girl, you alright? You hit your head pretty bad.
As Grandma comes to, she nods.
Vanessa: Good. Bert’s getting you ice. You’re going to be alright, alright? Gave us a good scare there.
Victor: You want to know an ancient remedy I know that will help her recover quicker… cake.
Vanessa: Victor.
Victor: What?
Joey: Should we get Grandma somewhere a little more comfy?
Vanessa: Yeah. Do you boys mind-
Victor: We’ve got it covered.
Vanessa: The boys are going to take you to your seat Mom, okay? A little more comfortable. Okay?
Grandma nods. The boys walk around to each side of Grandma. She stands up and each grab and arm and help her to the love seat. Bert brings in an ice pack and puts it on Grandma’s head.
Uncle Bert: There you are Mom. How’s that feel?
Grandma falls asleep again and the ice pack falls off and into her lap. Everyone looks around at each other.
Vanessa: I’ll grab it.
Vanessa grabs and removes the ice pack from Grandma’s lap.
Victor: Remind me never to get old.
Vanessa smacks Victor with the ice pack in the arm/chest.
Victor: What!? It’s true!
Uncle Bert: I hope she wakes up soon so she can open presents.
Vanessa: Oh yeah! C’mon mom, you want presents?
Grandma’s still asleep.
Uncle Bert: Maybe this’ll help. Hey mom, want to open some presents?
Uncle Bert pulls Joey’s gift out from behind his back.
Victor: Oh, god yes.
Joey: Oh god.
Uncle Bert: This one’s from… Joey! Hey!
Uncle Bert shakes it a little and puts it into Grandma’s lap. Grandma sleeps.
Vanessa: C’mon mom; presents.
Lights out. Box begins vibrating.
99 : Just Another Awkward Glance
99/365
Characters:
Man
Neighbor
Woman
Setting:
Outside Apartment Building, South Wall, 3rd Floor
Two balconies are in view as Man walks out onto his balcony, stage left, popping almonds into his mouth every so often as he leans along the ledge with his forearms. He looks to his right and stares into the sun as it sits just above the horizon. He enjoys the view and continues to pop an almond at a time in his mouth.
A minute later, his Neighbor walks out onto his balcony, stage right, popping cashews into his mouth. He leans along the ledge with his forearms and looks out at the sunset. Man notices Neighbor walk out and watches him a bit, then goes back to looking at the sun.
Man looks back at Neighbor and Neighbor looks up and over to his left and sees Man. They make eye contact and Man nods to Neighbor who immediately turns his face away. Neighbor looks back at the sun briefly then turns and goes back into his apartment. Man watches the whole thing. When Neighbor walks back in, Man smiles and shakes his head then goes back to watching the sunset, popping almonds in his mouth. Man closes his eyes and soaks in the rays of the sun for a few moments.
Woman: (off scene, Man’s Apt) What you doing out there, babe?
Man opens his eyes, awakens.
Man: Oh… nothing.
Man nods to the sun and turns around and heads into his apartment, shaking his head smiling. He pops one more almond in his mouth before exiting scene.
Jason Brain
All Rights Reserved
93 : Sometimes, Man… Sometimes
93/365
Sometimes, Man… Sometimes
Characters:
Bob – Father
Child – Daughter
Man
Setting:
A Park
- – - – -
A Man is reading a book, sitting on a blanket in the park. Bob enters, walking in holding the hand of his four year old daughter. Bob drinks from a large paper cup through a straw and finishes his drink a few steps into scene.
Bob: Looks like Daddy finished all the soda. No more soda. Sorry baby.
Child: Awwwwwww.
Bob looks down at Man and they make eyes contact, and Man smiles and nods to the two of them. Bob waves back quickly.
Bob stops and takes a step back, imitating a basketball player as he looks down the trash can about 12 feet away.
Bob: Think Daddy can make this, baby?
Child: Can we go home yet?
Bob: I told Mommy we wouldn’t be back for another (checks cell phone) 2 hours. Now… is Daddy gonna sink this?
Child: I want ice cream from the truck.
Bob: If Daddy makes this. Three… (steps back) Two… (fades away) One… (jumps, shoots-misses completely) So close.
Man looks up from his book and looks at the cup.
Child: Awwwww.
Man looks up at the daughter, then as he speaks, Bob.
Bob: Only one thing to do after a loss like that… ice cream!
Child: Yaaayy!
Bob: C’mon!
Bob and his daughter run off and out of scene. Man puts his bookmark in his book and sits up. He looks at the cup for a short bit, then gets up, and walks towards it. He kneels down to it and picks it up, smells the mouth end of the straw and distastes the scent subtly. He stands up and throws it in the trash. He then walks intently off scene to Bob. A short moment passes.
Bob: (off scene) Why would I care!? Someone gets paid to keep this place clean anyway!
Pause.
Bob: (off scene) Hey! What are you doing!? You can’t do that! That’s my ice cream! (beat) Hey! (two beats) Hey!
Pause. Man re-enters slowly and casually, opening the ice cream wrapper; tossing out the wrapper as he passes the trash.
Bob: (off scene) Yeah!? I will do something about it! I’m calling the cops!
Man lies down on his blanket and grabs his book, then takes a bite of the ice cream and is satisfied.
Man: (to self) Go ahead. Make my day.
